Countdown: 1 day to go . . .

At 11:42 this evening Carve Magazine received my online submission. Will I win this contest? I doubt it. But what I did win a few minutes ago liberated me. For so long I've kept my work too close, like an overbearing mother protecting her child from the world. Now it's time to let go and put my words out there albeit into the virtual universe.

At the Music Academy's masterclass tonight one instructor advised his cello student to: "Do something creative [with the music] that hasn't been done before." He was referring to the great cellists who came before her, the ones she likes to imitate. He said her musical technique was exceptional; however, she needed to "smile" and connect with the audience, "Open up, trust yourself," he suggested. "Let the audience see something in you--reveal something about yourself." I fumbled in my purse for a pen to jot down his words of wisdom. I spoke of my masters before: I'll never sound like them, but I will strive to "open up, trust myself" and "reveal something" as I "do something that hasn't been done before."

I did start today: Sitting and packing.

Countdown: 2 days to go . . .

"Packed yet?" my friend asked. "Started," I said. Books, books, and more books. How to choose between Munro and Chekhov? Between Cheever and Updike? Oates and Wolff? If I were traveling by airplane my baggage bill would be a small fortune. But traveling by car allows me the luxury of not only a mobile library, but also a portable pantry. All I need to do (TOMORROW) is pack it up.

But before I do that I need to complete the revision I worked on today to make the 6/30 deadline of a fiction contest. Why do that now? Because I can. Because I want to. Because the process sweeps the remnants of this past academic semester and quarter from my brain. Because it sits my rear-end in the creative chair. Because I have to start somewhere.

So tomorrow you know what I'll be doing: sitting & packing.

Countdown: 3 days to go . . .

Is this what it's like 3 days before you leave home for college?: Eating, seeing friends, last minute shopping, more eating, more friends, and more piles. Do I take ALL The New Yorkers I have not had time to read? The hard cover books are so heavy, but feel so good. Perhaps I should have converted to a Kindle or IPad?

What does this have to do with writing? How does this relate to my journey -3days. It seems the rising temperature in Temecula is commensurate with my anxiety. For now I will toss all these ingredients into the writing pot that I have perched on my imaginary creative hot stove. Before I hit the road I will pack, but not now; there are more friends to see and much more eating to do.

Countdown: 4 days to go . . .

Today I had lunch with a fellow writer. This gal is so talented it's ridiculous. She had asked me for feedback on her manuscript and although one could consider her work-in-progress creative nonfiction, I read it through the prism of a fictional lens. This begs the proverbial question: Where does the line blur between nonfiction and fiction? To qualify as nonfiction exactly how much (# of words and / or pages) must qualify as TRUTH? Conversely, at what murky point does "fiction" (LIES) take over? For the answer I turn to my mentor on the page: the late, great, William Maxwell and his novella So Long, See You Tomorrow. This blurring—between truth and lies—informs my work. As of tonight, nothing is physically packed; however, the stacks grow taller, the nights extend longer, and the excitement knob on my internal stove is set at simmer.

Countdown: 5 days to go . . .

Now that I've committed to this blog I cannot turn back. Books, bags, and bedding have piled up along with excitement, anxiety, and fear. It seems the former should be heavier than the later, but it depends on the moment. What if I can't finish, then what? What if I don't? What if I do? I'll know soon enough and then you'll know too.